Monday, April 03, 2006
hieeee.
haven't been posting much ever since diary-x ran into problems and got closed down.. it's on its way to recovery and i hope it'll recover sooon. but all my prev entries wld have been lost anw.. haha.. doesn't matter ba. those entries were just part and parcel of some bits of my life..
reasons as to why i do not post freely on st4r4inbow? guess i feel it's just so public.. too public? haha. contradictory eh.. if i didn't want to let other people see what's going on in my boring life, my inner thoughts or feelings, why did i bother keeping a blog? i guesssss. it's just an avenue for me to express myself? to let my closer friends know how i've been? mmms. a way of keeping in touch and one another updated about our individual lives? through the tags or something.
hecckk.
i just prefer typing to writing.
and i admit. i like nice blogskins.
haha.
---
life's not been very good.
hmmz.
i hate being weak. weak. Weak. WEAK. i shld have just kept myself shut out. i shld have just continued keeping myself in the shell. why did i have to show that side of me? it's so stupid. if they can't understand, they will never be able to understand. why am i always expecting so much? i guess there are always innermost feeelings that you cannot bare it to anyone cos it's much too private. or it's something that makes you feel weak and unprotected and vulnerable and it's just a side of yourself that you wish to hide from everyone so that you feel safe. sad huh.
i do not like my life.
---
but i shld really stop complaining.
cos i'll basically forget all the unhappiness in due time and rather quickly and will stop feeling dissatisfied and start feeling guilty that i've been feeling terrible over trivial matters when there are so many other more unfortunate people facing greater problems.
but everyone has their share of problems, right?
kay, treat it at a narrow measurable perspective. i'm just so disgusted with my life.
look at it in a broader global view. it's just another silly insignificant whinging teenager-who-is-trying-to-cope-with-her-studies-and-the-major-exams-that-are-merely-months-away's life.
sigh.
there's only one way to deal with this.
pick yourself up and charge on bravely.
you can do it.
not because you believe in yourself.
but because you HAVE to do it.
you do not have a choice.
an alternative.
an excuse.
***
______ muakks.
