Tuesday, March 04, 2008
there are a lot of things i wish to share but can't do so.
i dunno why. but some things are better left unsaid.
maybe i'm afraid that what i say will not elicit the kind of response i expect. and the thing is. i don't even know what kind of response i want. i don't know what words i want to hear, what words i don't want to hear. i only know that whatever response i get, those words will sound wrong once they reach my ears. that's why i choose not to say it at all.
cos i know i myself wouldn't know how to respond either. words of consolation always hv high possibilities of sounding wrong and insincere.
but sometimes i feel upset too when nobody understands.
it's like, if i don't put it across explicitly, people may tk it as "a phase", "a phase that i'll get over it". or angstyness.
but it isn't just a phase that will end eventually.
*
have no one to turn to.
cos i'm not the kind of person who shares bad news.
face to face.
and i don't like to share burdens. i don't want to become another person's burden. cos i believe that we all have our own share of problems, troubles, burdens. each person shld just carry their own burdens on their backs, and it's their choice whether they want to keep the burdens quietly on their backs, or to share the burden with their other loved ones to reduce the weary baggage a little. but i feel that it's unfair to pile some of your own burdens on another person. but of cos, it may be looked in another way as such, each person carries his/her own burden, along with bits and pieces of other people's burdens, and everything just cancels out and reaches an equilibrium.
i won't mind sharing others' burdens. but i keep mine to myself.
*
it always feels terrible when you have loved ones who are sick and suffering.
and ya i don't hv the courage to face responses that do not turn out the way i expect them to be
*
maybe i've got to learn how to share burdens.
______ muakks.
